


Cherish It

by borderlinecritical (skulls_and_stripes)



Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Human, F/F, Second person POV, Self-Harm, Suicide
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-20
Updated: 2019-11-20
Packaged: 2021-02-16 01:07:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,670
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21499327
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/skulls_and_stripes/pseuds/borderlinecritical
Summary: When it becomes clear that Rose is likely to not survive her pregnancy, everyone makes it their mission to cherish the time they have left with her. They make the mistake of forgetting to cherish their last moments with another dear friend.
Relationships: Pearl/Rose Quartz (Steven Universe)
Comments: 2
Kudos: 52





	Cherish It

She never kept secrets from you.

When she was questioning her sexuality, she told you. When she wanted to dye her hair, she told you. When she changed her name as a way of leaving her past behind, she told you, even if she told nobody else. When she decided she wanted to be with Greg forever, she told you. When she decided she wanted his baby, she told you.

Rose never kept secrets from you. Until she was eight months along.

It was five months in that she started having complications and seven months in when she was informed that she likely wouldn’t survive the process of giving birth. A late-term abortion was reccommended, especially as there was also an unusually high chance of the baby dying.

She spent a month talking with Greg. Over the risks and benefits. Over how badly they wanted that kid. By the time she even bothered to tell you, she had already made up her mind.

“Rose, please…” you begged.

“This is what I want, Pearl.”

“But…”

You ran out of that discussion with tears streaming down your cheeks. When Garnet and Amethyst asked what the matter was, you refused to answer. Rose had no choice but to explain it to them.

Garnet was stoic as usual. With a keen eye, you saw the shaking of her hands, the suspicious sniffling, the weak excuses to leave the room so she could cry -- but she didn’t show her emotions if she could help it. As much as Rose was the person you all looked up to, Garnet was a stable support, and she knew it. She knew it would hurt you all if she showed her pain.

Amethyst, on the other hand…

You can’t really blame her. She was only eight at the time, after all, and Rose was her mother. Adopted mother, but mother still. You can’t fault her for being upset, and it’s not like you were any better.

She absolutely lost her shit.

Hours were spent crying, screaming, begging Rose to just abort the thing. You joined in on the begging. But Rose’s mind was made up.

God damn those pro-lifers. 

When the crying was over and you had all reluctantly accepted the fact -- if it counted as acceptance when you were all clinging to the small chance she’d survive -- she talked with you and Garnet about the kid’s future. 

Amethyst had no blood relatives that were able to take her in and you and Garnet knew her best, so you agreed to adopt her. Garnet moved in with you permanently to help make the transition as easy as possible. And, to your short-lived joy, Greg moved out.

You tried not to resent Greg DeMayo. He was a good man with good intentions and he wanted nothing but the best for you and Rose. But, well, Rose was very polyamorous. And you were very … not.

You accepted her polyamory as long as you could deny it. You accepted it as long as you could tell yourself it was just a phase and that she would always come back to you long-term. When she decided she wanted to be with Greg forever, well…

You try not to think about the fight you had.

But eventually you supported her. Still, Greg moving out was a bit of a relief. Until there came the argument of who would support the baby.

Greg wanted to be little Steven’s primary carer. That was fine. But Rose wanted Amethyst to have a little brother, for young Steven to grow up with two godmothers that were a big part of his life. Not to mention the instability of Greg’s income and the possible necessity of financial support.

Garnet was all for it. She said she’d be part of Steven’s life.

You promised that you would join her.

If she noticed the crossed fingers behind your back, she certainly didn’t say anything about it.

* * *

When you got over your hysterical crying, you made a decision. 

You weren’t going to let yourself spend the years after Rose’s death regretting things. You were going to go through your bucket list and tick off every item that involved her. You were going to tell her every secret you’ve kept hidden. You were going to spend every minute of her last few months by her side.

Unfortunately, you were not the only one who made this decision. And Amethyst, as her young daughter, and Greg, as the father of her baby, took priority.

All your concerns about feeling like an awkward third wheel were thrown out the window, and you tagged along with everything. Her dates with Greg became three-way dates, her walking Amethyst to the playground became something you would pretend to enjoy, even trips to the supermarket became whole-family events.

But she wanted one-on-one time with the others.

She wanted one-on-one time with you, as well, but that didn’t help with the resentment. Because when she had weeks left to live and she was spending them without you, it was hard not to feel like it was all going too fast. Like time was running out. 

When she finally lost her patience and harshly told you to give her some space, you tried not to cry. You shut yourself in the room and busied yourself.

You practiced tying knots.

* * *

Things, somehow, retained some sense of normality.

You still had dates. Not just “dates” that were mere excuses to talk about Steven, but real ones, like the ones you had before she met Greg. A few weeks before Steven’s birth, she invited you to your favourite cafe to pretend everything was fine.

“Just a skim latte for me, thanks,” you muttered, placing the menu down. The waitress raised an eyebrow and wrote it down before walking off.

“I remember the first time we came here,” said Rose. 

So did you. 

She had spent the better part of half an hour going through the menu with you, begging you to just get something to eat, or at the very least a latte with full cream milk. She had ignored your complaints of eating before and how skim milk tasted better. You brought something just to satisfy her and almost vomited.

It wasn’t a very good memory.

You didn’t point this out, because she was smiling. She looked so happy and nostalgic. It reminded you of better times, before everything went to shit, back when your relationship was a genuine celebration of love instead of two unrelated forces brought together only by your fear that you couldn’t live without her.

You let her pretend everything was fine. You let her pretend that she still loved you more than she would ever love her short-term partners, that Greg was just some guy she would dump in a week. You let her pretend that this wouldn’t probably be your last ever date, and you think her smiles became more genuine.

So did yours.

Within the walls of that cafe, it was easy for both of you to forget that you were both going to die soon.

* * *

The funeral was a somber event, and it felt like half of Beach City showed up. God, the woman was popular. Everybody loved her.

None of them loved her like you did.

You cried your eyes out. So did everyone else. Garnet hid her tears behind sunglasses as you sobbed into her shoulder and Amethyst wailed into her knee. And Greg cradled a crying baby, trying not to break down himself.

You hugged little Steven for the first time that day. So did Garnet. Even Amethyst tried to appreciate her baby brother. 

You were given a portion of her ashes after the cremation. You spent longer than you would like to admit hugging them as you sobbed. You hid them under your bed most of the time, so you could ignore them. So you could hide in there reading a book and pretending Rose was just going to the store and she would be back in ten minutes. 

Garnet was grieving herself and incredibly preoccupied with Amethyst. You accidentally broke your vow to adopt the girl and left Garnet with most of the work, and Amethyst was understandably quite upset about the entire thing, so taking care of her was a handful. So you can’t really blame Garnet if she didn’t notice that your turquoise dresses were suddenly accompanied by bike shorts in obnoxious shades of pink and yellow, let alone suspect that the shorts were intended to hide scars.

What would she have done if she had noticed, anyway? Tell you to see a therapist?

You were too far gone for that.

You did succeed in one thing, though. You had no regrets. You used your final time with Rose well, and as much as you wish it could have been longer, you spent as much time with her as you could. And the time without her that was spent perfecting your knot-tying skills was also useful.

You were now excellent at tying nooses.

You sent Garnet a quick message, after it was tied. It was simple instruction. Explanations were reserved for the note hidden under your pillow, and she could probably figure it out anyway, but one thing was vitally important.

Your room was locked from the inside. Garnet probably had a key in case of emergencies, and if she didn’t, she could probably kick it down by brute force. You told her that Amethyst was not to be there when she opened the door under any circumstances.

You wouldn’t wish any more trauma on the girl. Particularly not trauma related to her adopted mothers dying.

You couldn’t live without Rose. You knew that from the start.

Rose was nicer than you. She gave them fair warning. They had a chance to spend more time with her, to ensure there were no regrets. 

They spend the last trying months of Rose’s pregnancy cherishing every moment they spent with her.

They wish they had done the same to you.


End file.
